I have a confession.
You know that girl from middle school, never really seemed to be quite "with it" (especially when it came to following directions - um... what did the teacher say???), who may have had a few (ok, quite a few) phrases like "I love Lime Soda" and "Lime Soda is so sweet" coupled with hearts and flowers doodled all over her notebook?
Yep, that was me.
(And don't tell me you don't still come up with nicknames for crushes).
Ohh, the days of Middle School Girl Syndrome (MSGS - yes, I will trademark this one day) when I yearned for that magical moment when Lime Soda would realize that we were just meant to be! He would realize how smart, funny, pretty, etc, etc I was and ditch the plastics, *gasp* breaking the middle school hierarchy!
Time has (thankfully) put nearly 10 years between me and those days and while I can say my tastes have progressed from liking boys for their wavy blonde locks, winning smiles, and jock statuses, MSGS still likes to rear its ugly head.
So what is a girl to do???
Let's analyze this scientifically, shall we?
There are two components to MSGS, which we shall call the self-worth component and the romantic component.
Coming from a girl who had her first crush at the ripe ol' age of 4, boys, well, they've always been kind of a big deal. Fun, goofy, confusing...
And, not having been raised a Christian, I quickly bought into the lie that I was only beautiful, or smart, or good if a boy saw that in me. So I spent my days daydreaming about the day when I would be noticed and seen as lovely. Imagine! The entire self-worth of a girl riding on the shoulders of a middle school boy! Thank God I was too shy to muster even a word around Lime Soda, because had he been a clever and malicious guy, the whole thing could have gone south really quickly.
Encountering God's truth has allowed me to experience freedom from the lie "I will only be good enough when he thinks I'm beautiful, when I'm complimented, when..."
Knowing that you're worth dying for and infinitely loved by the Creator of the universe has a way of changing your perspective on things - so when I feel tempted to believe that my worth is only a function of how appealing or attractive I am to guys, I return to this Truth.
It goes without saying that I am a romantic. Under my list of favorite things I have sunrises, sunsets, starry skies, and flowers. Love is the best thing in the world. (I mean, God is Love, so this statement is 100% true, 100% of the time) I am also a very imaginative girl, and while I am grateful for this gift that God has given me, it isn't without its trials.
Often times, doing my homework turns into daydreaming about that cute guy I'm crushing on now, and the following thoughts invade my brain:
What did he really mean when he said....? He's just so great, I wish I could get to know him more... Do our personality types work? Hmm... what does the internet say about our Myerrs Brigg? Does his sanguine balance out my melancholic? What will happen next? There are so many ways this could play out! Lemme imagine all of them!
Next thing I know, it's been an hour and I still don't know the difference between DNA Polymerase I and DNA Polymerase III.
This is where trust in God comes into play - majorly. The desire for a boyfriend (or husband) is only natural, and God given. The opposite sex is so different, and personally I am soooo grateful for this. But obsessing and feeding this desire for a relationship with one of them with our imaginations is counterproductive to the purpose to which God has called us. It feeds idolatry and can lead to emotionally objectifying guys (not cool). It is SOOOO important to remember that God is calling us to trust Him with our entire lives, and this includes our hearts, minds, and imaginations. Surrendering these to God is so scary because we hear the echo of Eve's question in the Garden of Eden - will God hold out on me? Can I really trust Him?
In times when I find myself becoming too focused on a particular guy (or really with anything else I want) I've begun to pray for mercy and to say to myself Jesus, Lover of my soul, I trust in You.
Truly, God wants to fulfill those desires we have in our hearts - He gave them to us, but He also knows us wayyyy better than we know ourselves! He's our Creator!
So wait on the Lord, take delight in Him and He will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)
(After He's done a little molding).
Keep fighting the good fight! :)
UPDATE: I now know the difference between DNA Polymerase I and DNA Polymerase III - it involves reverse the exonuclease function of Polymerase I that aids in DNA repair! HA! Take THAT MSGS!!