Princess Lessons: When the Princess Encounters a Witch

Every princess encounters a witch on her travels.  Witch?  A bit harsh, no?  It does sound so, but this is simply a qualifier for a woman who exhibits certain characteristics that show she is in the state of being that is that of a witch.  Before the princess assumes a very unbecoming air of superiority because she presumes that clearly she is more worthy than this woman in her wretched state, she must remember that it is only through the grace bestowed upon her by the King that her circumstances differ from those of the witch.  The witch is a fallen daughter of the King's and every bit as worthy as her.  The difference is that the witch is not claiming her inheritance - a sad occurrence indeed.

As it is written no one is righteous. - Romans 3:11

For by such grace you have been saved through faith. This does not come from you; it is the gift of God. - Ephesians 28:10

How does a princess survive an encounter with a witch?  Do not get too close.  Trust your gut. Friendship with the witch is impossible.  She has been laid captive by the lies of the Enemy, and a friendship with her provides a perfect opportunity for the Enemy to ensnare you too.  This may be difficult, for the Enemy will do his best to play with your weaknesses through the witch.  There may be an appeal to your sympathies (poor girl, how can I help her?), but most likely the Enemy will use one of his favorite tactics:  jealousy.

Don't you desire her confidence? How she can get the attention of any guy?  
She's actually really nice, and just confused, don't be so intolerant.
Maybe if you becomes friends with her, he'll pay attention to you too.
Maybe the way she views her life and what the King teaches isn't so wrong... and it's not fair that I have to be patient and sweet - when will I get what I want????

(Did you notice how the lies of the Enemy very rapidly went from suggestions to thoughts that flowed from within?)

The witch is principally a witch because she has surrendered in full to Eve's sin, the sin that bespeaks distrust in the Lord.  She no longer puts up a resistance, for she has found that it is more convenient to accept this lie as true.  She lacks patience.  She is a taker. She has always gotten what she wants and has no control over her selfish whims.  Manipulative and controlling, she has used philosophy and rationalization to take matters into her own hands rewrite the King's law in such a way that suits her own convenience.

Claiming to be wise they became fools. - Romans 1:22

No longer does she ponder the beauty of the world for it serves her no purpose - she is strictly utilitarian and beauty is not worth her time. The confidence she exudes may appear to be admired by the world, but Princess, was it ever to be done for the world to begin with?

The one who speaks on his own seeks his own praise. But the one who seeks the praise of him who sent him is genuine, and there’s nothing false in him. - John 7:18

Princess, to survive an encounter with a witch is to survive an encounter with a woman of the world, one who jars the foundation upon which you base your life, because of the happiness and desirability she appears to posses.  It is to look her right in the face and survive the desire to abandon submissiveness to God, as she has - to begin reaching for the apple in order to become a god oneself.

Hold firm in your convictions, Princess, and weather the storm of emotions that you may be facing. Return to beauty and goodness and savor the delight that living joyfully and authentically at the service of others gives you.  Pray for the witch, pray for her to be richly blessed, despite the ill will you may feel towards her.
It won't be easy.  It won't be fun.  But it must be done.

An Unexpected Start to the Princess Lessons: The Princess and the Wounded Knight

There comes a time in the life of every princess when she encounters a wounded knight. A young man whose life circumstances have left his soul wounded.  It is important to note that spiritual wounds are part of the human condition, but this case is special for the princess because the young man has captured the her affections and sympathies in a particular way.  A way she doesn't quite understand, because she has been moved by compassion regarding his condition.  That is to say, her heart has gotten involved to some degree.  In her other relationships, this wouldn't negative at all, for the most part - as women, we have a good desire to nurture and encourage.  This situation differs, however, in that he has also touched a wound within her heart.  He has stirred up something that needs to be healed.

Two broken people. Two deep-seated wounds.  Two potential minefields, each one a trigger for the other. This is where it is important to proceed with caution.

Now, of course, in any circumstance it is the royal duty of every princess, as a Child of the Light, to radiate the love of the king and offer words of encouragement and guidance to friends in need. The key here is to remember that any guidance offered, any thoughts that are shared, and any actions that are taken must be Spirit led.  Her eyes must always be on the King, because if she glances away just once, her own fallen desires will take control.

And with the wounded knight, this advice must be heeded even more.  Must I explain why?

As women we are nurtures that want to feel needed. We're naturally mothers.  Some of us gifted with the spiritual gift of mercy really want to heal.  We are attracted to the wounded.  We literally feel their pain and imagine their potential.  To see them in their suffering hurts because we feel powerless. The wound this knight has exposed brings more dangers, because his presence has caused our wound to resurface.  Pain has emerged on both sides.

Consequently, we find it easier to look away from the King and to distrust in Him.  We don't believe that he cares about him and me and us, because if He did, would we have been abandoned?  We want to take matters into our own hands.  What's worse is this selfless intention, to help, to heal?  It's not that selfless - we end up just wanting to heal them so that they love us, not the King.  When we fall into that trap, it gets dangerous.  A wounded person has control over our heart and life direction, and we cannot succeed then in rightfully loving them.

Here we have fallen into the two basic traps of the Enemy, the Ruler of Darkness.  He has twisted our good desire to care for others and has fed us the lies that a) the King is either not sovereign or that he doesn't care and (on a related note) that b) the King's love does not suffice.

But I can help him, I wanna help him, I care about him...  God, if you want him healed, then why hasn't it happened yet, Lord, why is it that this relationship hurts so much????

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. - Isaiah 40:28

Oh, Princess, don't you know?  The Lord God is on this.  He has heard your prayers and cries.  He will look down upon your circumstances with compassion.  But He will also allow you to pass through suffering for growth.  He has put the wounded knight in your life for a reason.  This knight is an opportunity for you to heal. 

So when your mind is filled with thoughts that are fueled by an aching heart, what's a girl to do?  
Go to the King in prayer.  Spend time with Jesus and remember that He is your lone true love.  Talk to the Queen Mother - she'll listen to your girl talk with sympathetic ears.  She's talk to her Son.  
Surrender the pain in your heart.  Surrender control.  Ask the Holy Spirit to come into your wounds.  Pray for your knight and ask the same for him, but remember, Princess, you are NOT to save him - you cannot, for it isn't in your power.  God willing, one day he will have the strength and the decision to rise up above his circumstances (as you are too called to do) and become the man the King desires him to be.  But, DON'T wait around for him.  The world needs your holiness now - and trust that by pursuing the King, you can be a light for the wounded knight.

Ultimately, remember who you serve.  Love all others with His love, and let go of the wounded knight.  Trust in the Lord and wait on Him.

When Middle School Girl Syndrome Strikes

I have a confession.

You know that girl from middle school, never really seemed to be quite "with it" (especially when it came to following directions - um... what did the teacher say???), who may have had a few (ok, quite a few) phrases like "I love Lime Soda" and "Lime Soda is so sweet" coupled with hearts and flowers doodled all over her notebook?

Yep, that was me.
(And don't tell me you don't still come up with nicknames for crushes).

Ohh, the days of Middle School Girl Syndrome (MSGS - yes, I will trademark this one day) when I yearned for that magical moment when Lime Soda would realize that we were just meant to be! He would realize how smart, funny, pretty, etc, etc I was and ditch the plastics, *gasp* breaking the middle school hierarchy!

Time has (thankfully) put nearly 10 years between me and those days and while I can say my tastes have progressed from liking boys for their wavy blonde locks, winning smiles, and jock statuses, MSGS still likes to rear its ugly head.

So what is a girl to do???
Let's analyze this scientifically, shall we?

There are two components to MSGS, which we shall call the self-worth component and the romantic component.

Self-worth
Coming from a girl who had her first crush at the ripe ol' age of 4, boys, well, they've always been kind of a big deal.  Fun, goofy, confusing...
And, not having been raised a Christian, I quickly bought into the lie that I was only beautiful, or smart, or good if a boy saw that in me.  So I spent my days daydreaming about the day when I would be noticed and seen as lovely.  Imagine! The entire self-worth of a girl riding on the shoulders of a middle school boy! Thank God I was too shy to muster even a word around Lime Soda, because had he been a clever and malicious guy, the whole thing could have gone south really quickly.

Encountering God's truth has allowed me to experience freedom from the lie "I will only be good enough when he thinks I'm beautiful, when I'm complimented, when..."
Knowing that you're worth dying for and infinitely loved by the Creator of the universe has a way of changing your perspective on things - so when I feel tempted to believe that my worth is only a function of how appealing or attractive I am to guys, I return to this Truth.

Romantic
It goes without saying that I am a romantic. Under my list of favorite things I have sunrises, sunsets, starry skies, and flowers. Love is the best thing in the world.  (I mean, God is Love, so this statement is 100% true, 100% of the time)  I am also a very imaginative girl, and while I am grateful for this gift that God has given me, it isn't without its trials.
Often times, doing my homework turns into daydreaming about that cute guy I'm crushing on now, and the following thoughts invade my brain:
What did he really mean when he said....?   He's just so great, I wish I could get to know him more... Do our personality types work? Hmm... what does the internet say about our Myerrs Brigg?  Does his sanguine balance out my melancholic?  What will happen next?  There are so many ways this could play out! Lemme imagine all of them!
Next thing I know, it's been an hour and I still don't know the difference between DNA Polymerase I and DNA Polymerase III.

This is where trust in God comes into play - majorly.  The desire for a boyfriend (or husband) is only natural, and God given.  The opposite sex is so different, and personally I am soooo grateful for this. But obsessing and feeding this desire for a relationship with one of them with our imaginations is counterproductive to the purpose to which God has called us.  It feeds idolatry and can lead to emotionally objectifying guys (not cool). It is SOOOO important to remember that God is calling us to trust Him with our entire lives, and this includes our hearts, minds, and imaginations.  Surrendering these to God is so scary because we hear the echo of Eve's question in the Garden of Eden - will God hold out on me? Can I really trust Him?

In times when I find myself becoming too focused on a particular guy (or really with anything else I want) I've begun to pray for mercy and to say to myself Jesus, Lover of my soul, I trust in You.

Truly, God wants to fulfill those desires we have in our hearts - He gave them to us, but He also knows us wayyyy better than we know ourselves!  He's our Creator!

So wait on the Lord, take delight in Him and He will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)
(After He's done a little molding).

Keep fighting the good fight! :)
(TGIF!!)
<3 Aina

UPDATE:  I now know the difference between DNA Polymerase I and DNA Polymerase III - it involves reverse the exonuclease function of Polymerase I that aids in DNA repair! HA! Take THAT MSGS!!

In Defense of Princesses

In 2001, a movie (perhaps you've heard of it?) called The Princess Diaries became a commercial success, grossing $165,335,153 worldwide. More than 10 years later, Frozen became a worldwide hit that was the staple of 2014. The common factor? Yes, Disney, but also princesses.

The popularity of these princess centered movies isn't singular, though. Tangled and The Princess Bride have become staples in our culture, and even in America, we're fascinated by figures like Princess Diana and Kate Middleton (in particular, her fairy tale story).  Seriously, how many of the best princess movies are the ones where an average girl discovers she's royalty?

So what gives? Sure, maybe it makes sense for imaginative little girls to want to be princesses, but the rest of us? Maybe it's time we just grow up...

Or not.

Our fascination with royalty reveals a deeply entrenched desire that points us to the Truth. Through Christ we have inherited the Kingdom. Our true identities lie in the fact that we are sons and daughters of the one true King.


Conclusion?

We are princesses (and princes ;) ).


At this point you'll probably have one of two reactions.

Reaction A:
Awwww!!! I'm a princess??? That is SO cool, I knew it, deep down it had to be true! *proceeds to sing first Disney song that comes to mind*

Reaction B:
Cute analogy, I see where you got that, but let's be practical here. How does that affect my daily life? I don't really see myself parading around in a tiara.

No, no tiara is necessary.

But there are TOTALLY practical ramification to this!!

Stick around for a post coming soon where I (do my best) to show that this romantic view of life can be just sooo good for your personal growth and adjusting your attitude towards life.

Peace & joy,
<3 Aina

Body Image - How the Search for Beauty has Changed through Time

Unless you've been living under a rock, or perhaps in one, you're well aware that one of society's favorite things to talk about is women's bodies.  And while this interest is one that has followed us through the ages, this article shows that, well, standards of beauty?  They've never really maintained a single standard.

For some perspective and a kinda cool brief history lesson:
Check it out!!

After an 18 month sabbatical...

I return to the blogosphere!

A little older.
A little wiser (?)
A little less angsty (?!?)

And I totally have life figured out this time round...

or not.


It has been wonderful to be able to return to this lil blog o' mine - like a time capsule and testimony of how the Lord has been working in my life.  And to be able to see the blessings that He has showered on me since I last wrote.  And the trials He has allowed.

I'm looking forward to sharing what He has been doing in my life!!  Watch out for more posts in the coming days!

In the meantime, enjoy some Aaron Shust! :)

Food for thought on a Monday in October

We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time
It's miserable and magical.
Oh, yeah

Now I might not be quite twenty-two, but I can totally relate to Taylor Swift here.  Whatever your opinion of her, she expresses our silly, girlish emotions in such an honest way.

Oh the 20’s – a decade to enjoy, we’re told, to make mistakes, to live as free spirits!  We’ve got so much going for us! Ok, well maybe one thing: our youth.  In all honesty, that doesn’t feel like enough, because all us twenty-somethings, well, we’re searching and longing.  
If we’re lucky, we’re also struggling to heal from past hurts. 
If we are less fortunate, we’re engaged in lifestyles from which we will need a lot of healing later on in life.

Overall, life for the typical twenty-something is messy and honestly, it’s often more miserable than magical and more lonely and confusing than happy and free.  And, to top it all off, we’re expected to have it all together.  Take the attitude towards college: go and explore your interests, but make sure to graduate with a lucrative degree.  Or what we modern women now get fed:  Do anything you want – just make sure you are successful – elsewise you are a disgrace to the women who fought for your rights in years past.

The message for our generation is:  Be your own person, be free, and have fun!  Just make sure that whatever you do fits into this box labeled acceptable by modern society.  But the truth is that these current societal expectations do not truly satisfy, and as a consequence our generation is really struggling – struggling with depression, with abortion, with anxiety, with pornography.
I don’t have the statistics but they shouldn’t be too hard to find online.

Christianity, having a personal relationship with Jesus, striving to follow Him and purify our desires, now that, is countercultural.

We Christians dare to believe that our own selfish desires won’t actually satisfy.  We dare to see beauty in a world tainted with sin and darkness.  We dare extend kindness in a world marked by cynicism. We believe our suffering can bring us closer to joy in Christ. We above all dare to hope and believe in Jesus’s promise of love and mercy. 
Don't get me wrong... this whole faith thing?  It ain’t easy.  Heck, it’s pretty difficult and downright scary, but through the confusion and the many trials and tribulations of this wonderful decade (and I only say that with a little bit of sarcasm, because it actually is quite wonderful), faith in God’s love and his goodness… well that’s what gets me through.

And our generation could definitely use God.  We need freedom from unrealistic how society is telling us to live.  We need the grace to be able to cultivate genuine friendships that will lead us to the Source of Life and Love – not materialism, jealousy, and pride.  We need unconditional love and the freedom to be vulnerable with each other.  We need God’s forgiveness when we make mistakes.  Us twenty-somethings?  We above all need Jesus.

Classes Have Begun!

The fall semester is here!  My university town is bustling the the activity of students, new and returning.  With this, my schedule will be pretty busy, so I don't know how much time I'll be able to devote to this blog of mine.

For today, however, I leave you with a link to Darling Magazine's latest post Breaking Up With Your Ideal Self.  Enjoy!!

Goodbye, 19, you have been good to me :)

As I embark on the last 24 hours of my teenage years, and prepare to bid adieu to 19 (a year in which I learned so much!) I thought I'd share some of my most important life lessons (thus far :) ):


1. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable.  You are so much more receptive to life when you are vulnerable.  Vulnerability opens your heart up to love and teaches you so much about yourself and others.  Don't waste your time and energy being too proud to be vulnerable.

2. It's healthy and recommendable to embarrass yourself at least once a day... it teaches you to be brave and take yourself (and life) a little less seriously

3. You do not need to be perfect in order to be loved.  The things we'd like to change the most about ourselves are what make us unique, so don't apologize for your imperfections.

4. Similarly, a weakness is not something you necessarily need to change or get over.  It's just a strength that needs to have some light and truth shed upon it to reveal its potential.

5. Cultivating gratitude may just be the most important thing in life.  Don't go a single day without finding at least 3 things you are grateful for and on a bad day find 8.

6. Even in your weakest moments, you are never given more than you can handle - and no prayer goes unanswered.

7. Struggling is not a sign of failure or even weakness, it's a sign of growth

8.  Never let yourself become jaded.  Hold on to your dreams, because they hold the key to how you will change the world - in other words, they hold the key to true joy.

9.  There are few things better than putting a smile on someone's face.  And don't be selfish with your own.

10. And of course, the one facet of truth from which the other ones have come:  You are enough.  You are doing enough.  And in fact, you have always been and always will be enough :)

A bit from Anne

"I'm just as ambitious as ever. Only, I've changed the object of my ambitions. I'm going to be a good teacher-- and I'm going to save your eyesight. Besides, I mean to study at home here and take a little college course all by myself.
Oh, I've dozens of plans, Marilla. I've been thinking them out for a week. I shall give life here my best, and I believe it will give its best to me in return. When I left Queen's my future seemed to stretch out before me like a straight road. I thought I could see along it for many a milestone. Now there is a bend in it.  
I don't know what lies around the bend, but I'm going to believe that the best does.
It has a fascination of its own, that bend, Marilla. I wonder how the road beyond it goes--what there is of green glory and soft, checkered light and shadows--what new landscapes--what new beauties--what curves and hills and valleys further on."

-Anne of Green Gables

Explore. Dream. Discover.

Twenty years from now you will be more 

disappointed by the things you didn't do 

 than by the ones you did do.

  So throw off the bowlines.  

Sail away from the safe harbor.  

Catch the trade winds in your sails.  

Explore.  Dream.  Discover.

-Marc Twain

There is no fear in love

These past 10 weeks... have they been real?  Or am I to awaken to the sound of my alarm... once again 15, obligated to drag myself out of bed and into the banality that was so characteristic of high school?

Right now, as I sit on the steps of a landmark quite representative of my university ;) , admiring the peaceful sunset and watching families and pedestrians stroll by, I am tempted to believe that it has all been a dream.  Everything has fit together so well and I've been given so much... how could it not be?

Yet, my experiences this summer are marked by one distinctive attribute that is particular to real life alone:  imperfection.

To which I could add struggle and pain... but also peace and joy.

You see, my dear readers, this summer I experimented with a few things that had been quite foreign to me:  vulnerability and courage.

No, it hasn't quite been the fairytale my romantic nature so would have desired it to be, and yes, there was in fact hurt involved, but the truth is it is only when we test our boundaries and limitations and reach out for those somethings that always seemed out of our grasp that we truly experience life.

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.
-Theodore Roosevelt

 I must agree with good ole T.R.  If we let fear dictate our actions because we are so scared to be vulnerable, we end up suffocating our souls.  We are never sure of our true potential.  We spend each day just trying to survive and we are never capable of thriving.

However, one truth must stand out in the midst of fear:

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
- 1 John 4:18

Perfect love drives out fear.  

We are all broken.  We all have wounds and sins that mark our souls.  We all question our worthiness at one point or another.  But when we question ourselves and afraid of vulnerability, we must look to Christ on the cross.

It's so hard to fathom... God came down and suffered for US.  He endured ridicule and pain and ultimately died for US... individually.  How could we doubt ourselves, our worth, after that?

How much must God love us to have done all of that?  It's inconceivable (yes, Inigo Montoya, I do know what that word means ;) ). And the most amazing truth:  His love is there for ALL of us to experience, but we alone must choose to reach out to Him.  We must choose to be confident in His love and have faith in his healing.

Again, I recall the story of the hemorrhaging woman:

Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.”
Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment.

Matthew 9:20-22

So the take away message?
Don't be afraid to be vulnerable, because it is the key to experiencing life, growth, and most importantly love .  
And Christ's love in time will heal your wounds.

Live.  Be open to love, for after all, as C.S. Lewis so wonderfully put:

 “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

Summertime Blessings

Image from http://consumer.media.seagate.com

Summertime is laden with growth,

Joys and sufferings - always both.

As the seeds of spring start to take root,

As flowers blossom and begin to bear fruit,

I sit back with inspiration and awe,

At the beauty before me I never foresaw.

I bow my head in gratitude and praise,

My God, truly, You never cease to amaze.

August Update

The month of July is up and gone and less than 10 days remain of my teenage years.  In a matter of time, I will, as my roommate from Beijing put so nicely earlier year, begin "running towards thirty"!

Thankfully though, I am unafraid.  The Lord has done so much for me in the past few months... He has been so good and taught me so much... There have been many blessings, and yes suffering too, but He's been guiding me through it.  Seeing in hindsight how much He's taken hold of my life in the past few months makes me realize that I can't even imagine what the next decade has in store.  One thing I've realized, though (despite the fact that I've heard it many a time) is that as long as you walk with Christ the path may not be easy but, boy, it is totally worth it.

So as to a foresight of what is coming soon..!

Two verses that have been speaking to me:

Psalm 139: 13-16:
For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb. 
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.


1 John 3:1
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 

(Can anyone say posts about self worth...? ;) )


Peace, love, and God bless!

Aina

Restless

The clock ticks and tocks

And my heart is on the rocks

I've hit a turbulent tide

There's no telling when this will subside

Yet I see no warning for me to heed

I feel closer to being freed

Maybe one day I'll learn to let go

But for today the answer is no

Despite the strife and struggle inside

I perceive peace on this tide.

The caged bird does sing

and so the caged bird does sing

i thought with a smile

for it posses a knowledge

one often forgot

that dreams make life worth living

and that the promise

of faith will not leave it wanting

knowing one day soon

the iron chains will come off

Waiting

I sat and waited 

 summer's fresh breeze

caressed my cheeks gently

the evening sun colored the field

and the birds' sweet melodies 

softly sang me goodnight

I sat and waited

I did not utter a cry

For peace had come o'er me

Reassuring my soul this summer's nigh'

Il faut chercher la joie de vivre

Look for the joys that surround you... live a life worth living. <3

Ciao i miei amici, today I challenge you to amidst your circumstances - whether blissful and bright or troublesome and turbulent - to find 10 - or maybe even just 5 - things that you are grateful for.  I'll even give you one to start:

You are wonderfully and fearfully made.

Love always,
Aina

SURPRISE!!

Why hello again my dear blog, didn't expect to see me back so soon did you? But SURPRISE, or rather SURPRISE (in case you couldn't tell, that was "sur-preese" à l'intonation française... the catch phrase of the days of the French Academy... un souvenir que je cheris beaucoup :) ) ... I have returned with a vengeance! (not really but I've always wanted to say that, and beware, one day I will!! ;) )

So what am I up to today, you ask?  What sort of new revelation am I about to unfold to my loyal - or so I like to imagine (and I do have quite a good imagination, if I do say so myself) - readers?  Alas, there are some things that I will not be so... expressly candid about... but I do intend to write in such a way that you get a certain gist of things.

At this point I will say utterly apologetically that this blog post will not follow any sort of linear thinking... I intend to reflect my current state of mind which is, I must confess, not following any sort of logic at all.  Sorry, not sorry.

(I have all summer to be logical at my systems internship and with probability homework, and so I've allowed myself sporadic moments of... honest insanity) 

All this being said...

I'm a structured kinda gal. (Hello, engineer much?)  I wake up in the morning and fall into routine.  I have a mental list of things I must get done and and when I've accomplished what I set out to do - if not more - I feel satisfied.  "Good job, Aina" I say to myself, "another day done."  It's my perfectionist nature, my ambition... and my crutch.  It's good for "getting ahead," but it also becomes an armor I hide behind as the safety of the expected and a fall back for my self-worth as I work hard to hide any imperfections I perceive within myself.

But it's funny what God's grace does to ya.  Ever since that last post back in May, I've been praying for God's healing.  I've been trying to emulate the woman who'd been ill for so long... her courage in reaching out to Christ... her confidence in His healing.  I've been recognizing that Christ sees me... He sees me everyday in my strivings and in my imperfections.  He knows how broken I am and - guess what - He not only knows how to heal, but He wants to.

And so, slowly and gently, I've begun to find that I can do it - I can embrace my imperfections, I can be brave, I can find beauty in spontaneous moments that were never part of the plan.

I've realized that it's all about being vulnerable.  Because to be vulnerable is to be open to love.  It is alone the way we can love others and allow them to love us back.

Now, I'm beginning to embrace my vulnerability and to truly love my imperfections because I know that they are the indelible marks that make me me.  And with it is coming freedom.  And with it is even coming faith and trust in the Lord.

So, to conclude this post that I actually had no intention of writing today (but was a product of one of those spontaneous events, which, let me just say featured a very, well not composed Joy (looking up antonyms for composed was amusing and would be probably pretty revealing to any readers as to the situation I am sorta describing) who lost any verbosity she otherwise possessed):
Letting go of expectations and embracing imperfections - this, I am finding, is the true way to leading a joyful and fulfilled life.

Returning soon... :)

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever. 

I've neglected my blog in the past month with the craziness of finals, then relaxation at home, and now with the utterly hectic schedule that I've this summer (that involves a course, a internship (yay!) and some other activities I've assimilated into my day...).  Never fear, I will be back soon (promise) with some updates.  Let me just say though, since my last post, the Lord has been SO GOOD.

Peace and love,

Joy Marie